truth is...

i got something to tell you... it's about life... but really, i'm still thinking exactly where to start when i'm still holding back my words and thinking twice if its worth sharing at all... some said it would be a good inspiration for others in order for to learn and take it as an advice.... as for me, it's another experience which will make me a stronger person... at least i'm still working on that part...

it's not cool to tell your ex that you like your ex's friend/cousin/sister/etc especially u know exactly that your ex still loves you like you're the only human in the world. if you did that, you are definitely trying to piss someone off, like big time... who in the world would even have the heart to do that? that is so inhuman, so disrespectful... sigh! what am i talking about, you probably don't know the meaning of word 'disrespect'. so now i know why everyone talk bad about you, why everyone hated you so much... yet i am too naive to believe them because i guess love is really 'blind'.

when i fall in love, i love unconditionally and will disregard gossips. i remember saying to myself, if all these rumors are true about him then it is my mistake to make. so now that the world knows that this is all a mistake after all, you can now tell me 'i told you so!' and i will be a living prove to tell you that this man is not a good man. i dont care about his past at all, whatever he had done in the past that's history, but all i care about is that he won't do that to me... but sadly, he just did...

so why didn't i believe the rumors and advice from people when they tell me things about him? it was because i love him very much. i have thought about the things people said about him... and i thought, ok so what if he was that type of person, maybe he have changed. maybe with me, he would be different.... hmph, i was too hopeful towards him, which was my mistake. he just made me fall head over heels by telling me all the sweet lies about how much he love me and how much he want to marry me and want to be my husband and me to be his lovely wife, grow old together and all that... wow all these seems so promising. the lies was so beautiful, i fell for it. who wouldn't?

those are the exact words to fish for a girl. but now that you hear this from me, the next time anyone say this to you, that person is only telling you things you that you want to hear, but until he puts a ring on your finger, all those sweet promising words are only nothing but lies!

the first time when he left me, he blamed me, but the truth was i found out that he have a gf. yes he was cheating his gf with me. i was so disgusted! he even changed my name to Simon so his gf wouldn't know. then when i was in europe, he said he was sorry and wanted me back. i did not want to at first because he have a gf and its just very wrong. then later he said he's planning to leave his gf and want me back and that he's sorry for hurting me. he also said that he left me because he's afraid that he will loose me.... so i fell for everything he said to me and his promises, i gave him a chance... and now, he left me for the second time...

you see... he have this self defense mechanism whereby he gotta leave his gf when he feel that his gf is gonna leave him or when he gets over jealous, or if he feels that his position is gonna be threaten or if he think he is gonna get hurt, so before he could get hurt, he walks away... abandoning without a trace...

i have done nothing wrong to him. all i ever did was putting him ahead of everything else. he was my priority. i move back to kk because of him, i got a job here because of him... everything i ever did was because of him... i don't think anyone would do this for him! seriously. now that i looked back of what me and him went through was a roller coaster ride. it has always been a roller coaster ride... so in love, so naive, so much fun, so interesting, so sexy... so perfect relationship... so perfect then all of a sudden, it all fall apart because of one thing... and we all know what it is! his immaturity...

when a problem arise, he become scared, so coward, chicken out! like a little baby!... he doesn't want to face it... so much for a big tall guy with no balls. if he hadn't been so self centered in making a decision, he would be a great guy. if you asked me, is he a good boyfriend? i can answer you this... we have been together for almost 6 months, when it comes to sweet talk, he is the best in the world! but truthfully... he hasn't been a good boyfriend because when there's a problem arise, he doesn't know how to handle it like a man... deep inside, he is still a child... like a 13 year old boy... to be a man is about discovering your own strength and your own wisdom, nobody can sit down to tell you what is right or wrong... but you have to speak the truth and solve the unsolved issues.

i mean, even a dead person cannot move on and stuck on earth due to unfinished business, what more for those who are still alive? think about it...

i have always been very supportive towards him... and being the best i can to make him happy... but i guess i just fell for the wrong person, that's all...


xxx