This is for Samantha

 just moments before the painful contraction kick in while waiting to be transferred to the operation room.

Trying to get pregnant was fun. Then when you found out that you are pregnant. It felt fun too! I mean we have been trying pretty 'hard' hahaha. Then being pregnant was kinda fun too. Just knowing that you are growing a living human inside you make you feel so fucking sexy in a funny way. But that last few weeks of being pregnant, it was no fun at all... you feel fucking fat!

Here's a short brief story about the day we have been waiting for!
 

 Dr. Ramesh carry Samantha to show to me

15 April 2014 - We went to do some shopping after dinner and I had few very painful contraction. I didn't think it was anything. Then at night, I bleed a little. I called up the clinic and said its normal. Then that entire night I was in so much pain, but it wasn't painful enough for me to go to the clinic.

16 April 2014 - Woke up and everything was fine. I still feel her moving and kicking as normal. Went to work, as we had roadshow in Suria Sabah. Arrived work and decided to go pee, then saw some more blood. Called the clinic, they ask me to go in to check.

Arrived clinic and they check on baby heart rate first. The first 10-15 minutes everything went fine then suddenly her heart rate dropped from 158 to 68-58, it was crazy! I thought maybe the thingy went out of place, I even managed to convince the nurse. Then it happened again. It wasn't funny anymore at that time. Me and the nurse were scared already, so called Dr. Ramesh. He wasn't happy about it. So he check my cervix and apparently I was already 3cm dilated. Then the nurse put some medicine in my drip to help make labour faster. So I am officially in labour with painful contractions. But when the third time the baby heart rate drop, doctor decided it's time for an emergency cesarean.

Samanthaaaaa!!!! 

This was very urgent already. Everything seem to move so quickly, half of the time I don't even know what to feel or what to say. All I know is I want this baby to be safe and healthy.

The next thing I know I was signing off some documents while in freaking painful contraction, I can't even hear what the nurses explain about those papers, I just signed it! I felt like I could push her out already. It was soooooo painful. And it's so funny come to think about it, because James said so many things (positive and encouraging stuff I believe) but I can't fucking hear him because I was in soooo much pain.

I was then put to a wheelchair and push to the operation room. The anesthetic surgeon was soooooooo good. He explained how the anesthetic works, and spoke so slowly and clearly to me and making sure I understand every single word he said. I never been so focused in my entire life. 

Once I got all the drugs I needed to get me through this major surgery. My legs felt like they could fly. Woooohooo!!! They got wings!!! The anesthetic surgeon said I'm the first person he met who said the anesthetic make them feel high. Seriously? Me? The only one? LOL you gotta be kidding. Aren't those drugs suppose to make people feel high and painless? Okay if not, then I'm a strange human being.

 That moment when she looks into your eyes. It takes your breath away.

Can't feel half of my body. Checked! And let the show begin!!!

So... not much I could explain from where I was lying down. There's a little curtain over my head so I won't see what the heck they doing to my abs. I could feel what's going on to my abs but just no pain at all. It's AMAZING how these drugs works! Crazy stuff!

Oh then, i felt like my stomach was outside of me. I think it was that cause I felt like vomiting few times. Oh i almost forgot, I was shivering the whole time during the surgery. I felt soooooooooooo cold. Apparently that the side effects of the drugs.

So about 10 minutes later, I heard my baby cried!!! Oh God, you have no idea how relieved I was. I started to cry and smile at the same time. Then Dr.Ramesh carry and show her to me before sending her for cleaning.

 The day we bring Samantha home. It was a Good Friday.

After I was sealed and place back to the ward. The pain starting to kick in. Honestly, it's the most painful feeling ever. I don't know what vaginal birth pain is like, but I have to tell you Cesarean birth is also just as painful. It's a major abdominal surgery! But you probably gonna say nothing beats the pain of having your vagina torn apart. I will just agree and respect that. Vaginal birth was my birth plan, but I had no choice but to go through Emergency Cesarean because of the condition my baby was going through.

Recovery has been fast and slow. Fast from the outside anyway. The outside wound is healing. The cut was so clean and neat. Dr. Ramesh is confirm the best gynecologist! Even all my friends who was his patient said he has the best stitches. So he's got good handy skills lol.

Recovery from the inside is slow. I still feel pain inside in many ways. Sitting down, lying down, walking or standing. Just anything. Though today, its been almost a month now. The pain inside subsided, but still have that little swelling lump and pain once in a while. I know recovery will take months and some even a year or more.

 She enjoy smiling and giggling on her own. Maybe dreaming of more boobs...

We spend 3 days 2 nights at the clinic and took her home on a Good Friday (18 April 2014). It didn't really kick in that we finally have a baby until that sleepless night comes in. It was HARD! Going through this new phase of life is seriously a big change. BIG. BIG. BIIIIGGGGG change!

We had no clue what to do. We just try and try until we get it. One thing I love James so much is that he is sooo patient and understanding. He is just something... I am really lucky to have him in my life and have his baby. The most sexy thing ever! Feel like popping another one! Haahah nooo..... just joking. I dont know if I wanna go through another pregnancy. It's soooooo crazy!!!

 Keeping up with the selfie shots, with a baby this time :P

About Samantha - Born on the 16 April 2014, she arrived 11 days early (EDD was 27 April 2014). She weigh 3.25kg and delivery method was Emergency Lab Cesarean Section at Rafflesia Medical Centre here in Kota Kinabalu by Dr. Ramesh. She loves to smile and giggle. She hardly ever cry. She loves my boobs, she's not really a fan of formula milk but sometimes we give her when I'm too tired to breast feed her. Even pumping my milk is tiring.

She also enjoy taking a bath. Can't wait to take her go swimming and then go diving!!!

 James giving baby Sammy her bath. She's a happy baby!

So that's about it. She's going to be a month old in few days time. She is growing so fast and getting stronger each day. She could almost support her own head now.

There are many challenges that we are going through right now. Sometimes can be overwhelming as we do everything for ourselves. We do not have a maid or confinement lady for me. I am thankful to have my parents cooking soup for me daily and sending it to my house without fail. Without them, I think I would have starved and only have food when James comes home from work.

Money problems is also another matter. Baby maintenance is expensive! Plus we are looking for a nursery day care soon as I will have to go back to work on June 16!!! Nursery will be costly but it has got to be done. Still looking for a trustworthy nursery. If you have any suggestion, please lemme know.

Until then!

xoxo